Northern Exposure

Coming from the South East of the UK, I never really knew what to make of Northerners. To be completely honest, save a week spent in Magaluf, I never really encountered them.

However, if there was one startling observation from my time at Glastonbury, I would have to say 'No! It was not Stevie Wonder's ability to savagely dominate any form of key based instrument, or the amount of confused middle age people that cried during Florence and the Machine!'

Rather, it was the Scouser:Normal Person ratio. I genuinely believe that out of the 200,000ish Glastonbury-goers, 3 out of 10 people were from Liverpool. Bearing in mind that only 400,000-odd people reside in and around the banks of the Mersey, this is outstanding.

My Mum always warned me, part in jest, however with a severe layer of severity glazed on top, that Scousers are dodgy. Harry Enfield of course never really helped my fear-ridden presumptions, and to be honest, the 4 days spent at the festival managed to compound every single preconceived Scouser stereotype imaginable.

Here it goes:

1. The Scouser Uniform



i.) Yeh you got it, the 90s drug dealer bucket hat!

First of all, I'm doing the people of Liverpool a discredit here. I'd like to think I'm somewhat in tune with head wear trends, and I will genuinely leave the country if the bucket hat epidemic that plagued Glastonbury 2010 transgresses into wide society.



All I will say is, if you are geographically disadvantaged enough to be lumbered with crime-related stereotypes, don't wear a piece of head gear that makes everyone around you think you are going to take their wallet and sell them bad drugs!

Moreover, Glastonbury Scousers tended to make the following outfit choices:

ii.)

Indeed. The Scouser 'back of lorry' tracksuit. Sigh.

iii.)

Finally, don't forget the pair of Air Max 95s!

All I am going to say is that, all the time ambassadors of the Scouser population i.e Steven Gerrard are going to continue punching people in nightclubs, and the wider parts of Liverpool's inhabitants are to carry on rocking sporting attire in 40 degree heat, shaking the drug dealer/anti social reputation is going to be impossible.

People of Liverpool, I apologise, but so far I'm with Harry Enfield.

God, never thought I'd say that.